What’s in your wallet?

Like so many others this weekend, I received my notification from Capital One about the rate increases on my Credit Card.  For 8 years: 6.9%.  With a credit score like mine, I believe I could have (should have) had an evenbetter rate than that, but hey, it had some useful perks, so I lived with it.

As of April 17th, however, my rate increases to something utterly absurd like 29.6%!  Sweet.  I wonder if anyone else can jump on the ‘Let’s all punish the good guys’ bandwagon.  After all, if a good guy finished first, what the heck kind of precedent would that set?

Clearly, the card will be cancelled.  I assume this is some desperate act by Capital One to purge itself of it’s responsible clients in order to more efficiently fleece their irresponsible ones.  Good luck with that.

If you, too, are a Capital One credit card holder, you should know that ‘what’s in your wallet’ is a big steaming pile of stink.

Say what?

I believe that after 2009, the definition and grammatical uses of ’stimulus’ will be forever changed.  I know this, because I have seen the drafts of the 2010 Premier Edition of Webster’s Dictionary.  I’ll give you a sneak peak.

Previous year’s definition of ‘STIMULUS’:

Main Entry:  stim·u·lus

Pronunciation:  \ˈstim-yə-ləs\

Function:  noun

Inflected Form(s):  plural stim·u·li \-ˌlī, -ˌlē\

Etymology:  Latin

Date:  1684

: something that rouses or incites to activity: as a: incentive b: stimulant  c: an agent (as an environmental change) that directly influences the activity of a living organism  

Future year’s definition of ‘STIMULUS’:

Main Entry:  stim·u·lus

Pronunciation:  \ˈstim-yə-ləs\

Function:  noun

Inflected Form(s):  plural stim·u·li \-ˌlī, -ˌlē\

Etymology:  Latin

Date:  2009

: something that rouses willing bondage: as a: a thrall b: an indentured servant to the state or c: an insidiuous blueprint to fund bigger government and bring a disenfranchised middle class in line with decades of high taxes and a permanently eroded manner of living.

Example: “I offered him a stimulus and he fell to his knees in worship.”

Function:  verb

Etymology:  Latin

Date:  2009

: the manner or action used to bring about servitude: as in: a: giving an organizim the proverbial shaft b: squeezing the middle class to the detriment of the middle class.

Example: “If you continue to be responsible, you fool, I will be forced to stimulus you.”

 

 

Not since acronyms for such phrases as: “For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge,” or “Ship High in Transit” have we been presented with such an exciting opportunity as this–to see the rapid evolution of a word and it’s grammatical uses, as it morphs from white to black.

I hope you are as excited as I am.